One of the most insightful “concepts” I’ve learned as a parent is the idea of Connection Capital. Coined by child behavioral psychologist and parenting expert, Dr. Becky Kennedy, it refers to the idea that the more time you spend connecting with your children—through play, conversations, and shared experiences—the more likely they are to cooperate and trust you. It’s not a guaranteed formula, of course. Any parent who has put in the effort to bond with their kids knows that even the most well-connected child can still throw a tantrum, or two (or 100). Yet, the underlying truth is profound: relationships are built in the small moments of connection. Naturally, this idea doesn’t just apply to children; it extends to our relationships with our spouses, friends, and even our relationship with G‑d.
Of course, these moments are often hard to carve out in our fast-paced, distraction-filled lives, but they’re crucial, and this idea is at the heart of Shemini Atzeret, the holiday following Sukkot. Known as “The Eighth Stop,” it’s an invitation from G‑d to stay a little longer, to pause, and to share an intimate moment together.
Imagine the quiet of the night after a long day. The kids are asleep, the house is still, and the day’s noise has faded. You sit with your spouse in the dim light of the living room, a cup of tea in hand, and talk about everything and nothing. There are no interruptions, no phones buzzing, no to-do lists running through your mind. It’s just the two of you, sharing the quiet. These conversations—often about little things like the events of the day or a shared memory—are when you feel closest, when you remember why you chose each other. It’s not about grand gestures or big plans; it’s about being together, undistracted and present.
During the day, conversations with your spouse might be scattered between errands, chores, and work. Even though you’re together, your attention is divided. But in these late-night moments, when the world has quieted, you’re fully present with each other. And it’s in these simple moments that the depth of your relationship truly shines.
This is how we can understand the essence of Shemini Atzeret. Sukkot is a vibrant and bustling holiday filled with communal gatherings, festive meals, symbolic gestures, and public prayers. During the time of the Temple, 70 oxen were sacrificed on behalf of the 70 nations of the world, representing the universal focus of the holiday. It was a big event. But when Sukkot ends, G‑d asks us to linger a little longer, for just one more day of connection. Shemini Atzeret is that moment of quiet after the celebration—a day just for us and G‑d to be together.
On Shemini Atzeret, the offerings in the Temple are scaled down dramatically. Instead of many sacrifices, we offer just one ox. The Talmud explains this difference with a beautiful parable. A king holds a weeklong feast for all his subjects, but when the feast ends, he turns to his closest friend and says, “We’ve celebrated with everyone. Now, let’s enjoy a small, simple meal—just the two of us.” This is what G‑d says to the Jewish people at the end of Sukkot. After the public festivities, He invites us to spend one more day with Him in an intimate setting, where it’s just us and Him.
The simplicity of Shemini Atzeret reflects the beauty of quiet moments. There’s no need for grand gestures—just the act of being together is enough. It’s like those quiet conversations with a spouse after a long day, or a bedtime story with your child, where the connection grows not because of what is said, but because you’ve taken the time to be fully present.
The Torah’s description of Shemini Atzeret uses a term of affection: Atzeret, which means to gather or hold back. As the sages explain, it’s as if G‑d is saying, “Your departure is difficult for me. Stay a little longer.” It’s a rare and intimate moment where, after the public celebrations, G‑d asks us to remain close for just one more day. It’s not about ritual or obligation; it’s about love.
We often think that meaningful connection requires large amounts of time or elaborate plans. And sometimes, those grand gestures are truly meaningful. But Shemini Atzeret reminds us that the most profound type of connection happens in the quiet, undistracted moments. The same way our relationships with our loved ones deepen when we spend time together without distractions, our connection with G‑d grows stronger when we pause to simply be with Him.
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