“I am honest. And I say it is not that Hersh was perfect. But, he was the perfect son for me. And I am so grateful to G-d, and I want to do hakarat hatov and thank G-d right now, for giving me this magnificent present of my Hersh…. For 23 years I was privileged to have this most stunning treasure, to be Hersh’s Mama. I’ll take it and say thank you. I just wish it had been for longer.” These are the words euologized by Rachel Goldberg Polin, the mother of Hersh, a 23-year-old American-Israeli who was brutally kidnapped by Hamas on October 7th. Hersh survived 11 months in captivity before his tragic execution. Throughout this ordeal, Rachel became a powerful voice for faith, hope, and unity, advocating tirelessly for the release of all hostages. The world stood with Rachel, her husband Jon, and other hostage families, awaiting their return. Tragically, for Hersh, this return will not happen as hoped.
Amidst this profound sorrow, Rachel’s words resonate deeply. They echo a profound truth found in the story of Jacob and his sons in the Bible.
In the biblical account, we see Jacob’s love for his children endure despite their evident flaws. Consider Joseph, whose youthful insensitivity is apparent when he shares his dreams to his family:
Despite this display of immaturity, Jacob’s love for Yosef never wavers. Years later, their reunion is deeply emotional:
This unconditional love extends to Jacob’s sons, even as he acknowledges their imperfections. In his final blessings, he speaks to Reuben:
Yet, even with this rebuke, Jacob still recognizes Reuben as his firstborn,
To Simeon and Levi, he says:
However, Jacob doesn’t disown them; he includes them in the tribal blessings, demonstrating that his love persists despite his disapproval of their deeds.
Even Judah, who had made significant mistakes, receives a powerful blessing:
This blessing shows Jacob’s ability to see beyond his son’s past failings to his future potential.
This approach to parenting – loving imperfect children perfectly – through your own imperfections as a parent echoes a crucial message for modern parents. It’s a dangerous misconception to view our children as perfect and to see our role as maintaining that perfection. Instead, our job as parents is to recognize our children’s imperfections and struggles while affirming their intrinsic worth and lovability.
Imagine the power of telling our children, “You will face struggles, and you are worthy of love and belonging.” This message communicates that their worth isn’t contingent on their achievements or behavior, but is inherent to who they are. It also conveys that struggling and making mistakes are normal parts of the human experience, not failures or reasons for shame.
In essence, what Jacob’s parenting journey with his sons shows us is the value in the lesson that :”You may not be perfect, but you are perfect for me.” It’s a love that recognizes we can’t control everything that happens. But it’s also a love that encourages flexibility and engagement with the world from a place of worthiness.
This kind of love – unconditional, accepting of imperfections, and affirming of intrinsic worth – is truly a gift. It’s a gift that has resonated through the ages, from the time of Jacob all the way to Rachel Goldberg Polin’s poignant eulogy for her son. And ultimately, it reminds us all that in the end, our children are and always will be the perfect child for each of us as parents.
