My wife and I were introduced by a mutual friend, a neighbor of mine in Jerusalem. I was sure I would marry her from the moment we met. We were engaged less than a week later and married soon thereafter.
How did I know she was the one? That’s a question I’m not sure I can answer. Most people are not so sure. Maybe that’s why one of the traditional Jewish blessings that we bestow on a bride and groom is that God should make them as happy as “His creations in the garden of Eden.” To state the obvious, no two people in history were ever so sure they had found the right spouse as Adam and Eve. I mean, what were the options?
This leads us to a perplexing sequence of verses in the Bible portion of Bereishit, which describe the union of Adam and Eve (Genesis 2:18-20):
To sum up, the sequence of events is as follows:
18. It’s not good for man to be alone, let’s find him a mate.
19. God brings Adam all the animals to name.
20. Adam names the animals and does not find a mate.
Based on the order of the verses, it seems like naming the animals was part of the process of finding Abraham a soulmate. It almost seems as if Adam was “dating” and checking out his options. “Adam, let’s find you a wife. How about the elephant? Nope. Squirrel? Nah…”
What does naming all the animals have to do with finding a wife?
While this sequence is often overlooked, it teaches a powerful lesson. Simply put, Man is not an animal. By naming the animals Adam declared them to be others, outside of him. In naming them he also declares his primacy over them. Superiors name subordinates, subordinates do not name their superiors. Through this process, Adam came to realize that he has no partnership with the animal kingdom. In the words of the text “But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.”
There is no marriage in the animal kingdom. There is mating, for sure, but not marriage. Animals bear no responsibility. They have no task. Animals are bodies without souls. It is specifically man’s search for a partner in responsibility and mission that brings him to the realization that he is not a member of the animal kingdom. He has a body but that is not who he is. He is a soul.
Once Man realizes that he is not an animal, he is ready for his true partner and mate. Through his search, Adam discovered that he was alone. Only then was he ready to feel whole, to be completed by the woman.
A few verses before this sequence, Adam was given his mission by God:
To work and to protect. Notice that the verse does not say “to enjoy and to express himself.” It does not say “to indulge in pleasures and to be free.” “To work” means, simply, that there is work to be done. I have to act, to be productive, to make things better. “To protect” means that I must do no harm; that I must protect God’s creation.
To work, to protect…. in other words, we are on this earth to be responsible. To be responsible means that my life is not about me. To be responsible means that I am accountable, it means that I have a calling and a mission. This is man’s covenantal responsibility to his creator.
As I mentioned, animals have no responsibility. They do not work to improve God’s creation. They have no mission other than looking out for their own physical well-being.
Today, Western society is experiencing a marriage crisis. In 1990, the marriage rate in the US was 9.8 per 1000 people. As of 2020, that number had fallen to 5.1 per 1000. Essentially, people are marrying at half the rate that they were marrying 30 years ago. And yet, despite this collapse of marriage, sexual activity among young people remains as pervasive as ever. In other words, more and more young Americans are choosing to mate, but not to marry.
When Adam and Eve gave in to their desires and ate the forbidden fruit they were ashamed. Shame is what we feel when our behavior doesn’t live up to who we are supposed to be. Humans feel shame because we have a higher purpose. We are not supposed to live for the thrill of the moment without any regard for the consequences. We are responsible beings.
The marriage crisis is not only about marriage. It is a symptom of a wider crisis of responsibility. And this has everything to do with faith in God. If there is no God, then I have no mission. If I have no mission, I am not responsible. If I am not responsible, my only reason for living is my own material and physical well-being. I have become indistinguishable from the animal kingdom.
God created us “to work and to protect,” to be responsible for the world He created. There is no greater expression of this mission than getting married and building a family. Through the covenant of marriage, man and woman not only fulfill their responsibilities to each other but to God Himself.
The Weekly Word: In Depth Bible Studies taken from the Jewish Weekly Torah Portion
Embark on a transformative journey through the Torah, one portion at a time. Let The Weekly Word guide you as you discover the wisdom, responsibility, and purpose embedded in the sacred texts of Judaism. Perfect for Shabbat readings, study groups, or as a thoughtful gift for anyone seeking spiritual growth.
You can purchase a copy of The Weekly Word here
