From ancient Egypt to modern dining rooms, the story of Passover has captivated generations. But before we tell the actual story of the Exodus on Passover night, the Passover Haggadah, the text read on Passover, presents us with the parable of the Four Sons – four different types of children who approach the Seder, the Passover night meal, with varying attitudes, questions, and levels of engagement. This teaching offers profound insights into both education and unity.
The Wise Son, or Chacham, asks detailed, thoughtful questions about the laws and customs of Passover. His intellectual curiosity demonstrates engagement and a desire to understand tradition deeply. In response, we teach him all the laws of Passover, up to and including the final detail about not eating anything after the afikoman (the final piece of unleavened bread eaten at the seder). We honor his intellect by providing comprehensive instruction that satisfies his thirst for knowledge.
The second son offers a striking contrast. The Wicked Son, or Rasha, asks, “What is this service to you?” deliberately excluding himself from the community with his language. The Haggadah instructs us to “blunt his teeth.” We tell him that had he been in Egypt, he would not have been redeemed. His stance of separation receives a response that highlights the consequences of disconnection from his people and heritage.
The third child, the Simple Son, or Tam, comes with neither sophistication nor scorn. He demonstrates a basic curiosity with his straightforward question: “What is this?” Neither scholarly nor rebellious, he simply seeks to understand. We respond with an equally straightforward explanation: “With a strong hand God took us out of Egypt, from the house of bondage.” His uncomplicated inquiry receives a clear, accessible answer that meets him at his level of understanding.
Finally, there is the Son Who Does Not Know How to Ask, the She’eino Yodea Lish’ol. This child doesn’t even know how to formulate a question about the Seder and its meaning. Rather than waiting for him to speak, we take the initiative, fulfilling the verse: “You shall tell your child on that day, saying, ‘It is because of this that God did for me when I came out of Egypt.'” His silence is met with proactive storytelling that invites him into the narrative.
The Four Sons teach us a fundamental principle of education: each child requires a tailored approach. One size does not fit all when it comes to transmitting our traditions and values. This approach aligns with the wisdom of Proverbs 22:6:
The Hebrew word for “train,” chanoch, can also be translated as “educate.” We must recognize each person’s unique nature, strengths, challenges, and learning style to effectively pass on our heritage.
Rabbi Yosef Zvi Rimon offers a powerful observation about the historical context of the wicked son’s treatment.
Our sages teach that the word “chamushim” (armed) in Exodus 13:18 shares a root with the Hebrew word chamesh, meaning five. They explain that only one-fifth of the Israelites actually left Egypt – the rest, presumably wicked or lacking in faith, perished during the plague of darkness.
However, Rabbi Rimon emphasizes that this approach no longer applies in our time. Today, Jewish unity and mutual responsibility have become central values in our tradition. The concept is expressed in the Talmudic principle “All Israel are responsible for one another” (Kol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh – Shavuot 39a). In our modern understanding, no one gets left behind – not even the “wicked” son. We are one people with a shared destiny and mutual responsibility. Rather than writing off those who distance themselves, we engage them, challenge them, and include them in our collective journey.
The traditional instruction to “blunt the teeth” of the wicked son takes on new meaning in this context. Rather than rejection, it suggests we must remove the sharpness and bitterness from his bite. We must smooth out his rough edges, heal his wounds, and allow the goodness in his soul to surface. Behind his wickedness, there is a story, there is a reason why he allowed himself to become corrupted or jaded. We must identify the root cause, and then neutralize it. Reverse the process that led him astray, and bring him back to his inner goodness.
Had he been in Egypt, he would have gotten left behind. Not so anymore. Today, it is up to parents and teachers to engage these challenging children and try to uncover the hidden goodness within.
This evolution reflects a deeper understanding of Jewish peoplehood that has developed through our long history. While the Exodus was a formative moment for the Jewish nation, our collective experiences through exile, persecution, and return have strengthened our sense of interconnectedness and mutual obligation. The Four Sons thus offer a dual message: education must be differentiated to meet individual needs, but our ultimate goal is the inclusion of everyone in our shared heritage and destiny. Every person, regardless of their current level of engagement or understanding, has a place at the Seder table and in the Jewish future.
The wisdom of the Four Sons transcends the Passover table, offering guidance for parents, teachers, and community leaders throughout the year. When we recognize the unique qualities of each child and adapt our approach accordingly, we honor the individual. When we simultaneously work toward greater unity and inclusion, we strengthen the collective. This balance – between personalized education and communal responsibility – remains one of Judaism’s most enduring and relevant teachings.
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